GHB is so great. I love everything about GHB. I love falling asleep in public and having all my friends sort out the trail of destruction I leave in clubs. I love waking up afterwards to find I've pissed myself. I love passing out outside in the middle of winter to find I've nearly died from hypothermia and my wallet and phone have been stolen from my pocket and I can't get back into the club to get my coat because my coat check ticket was in my wallet. And I especially like the sexy danger of never knowing if I have been sexually assulted during my blissful unconsiousness.

Isn't it a relief to know that GHB is two classes BELOW crystal so I can feel smug and up my own arse about loving it, compared to those EVIL and GORMLESS crystal users who will never know the pleasure of passing out in public and waking up in hospital four hours later. They will never know the sheer joy of wasting thousands of pounds of UK taxpayers' money so they can get a nice little disco nap in a comfy NHS bed. How miserable they must be to not be 'high' on a drug used to stupefy and rape young women but instead use an EVIL drug which will allow them at least to say 'No' if they choose.

I love GHB soooooo much, I wrote a poem about it last time I was in Beyond. It goes a little bit something like this:

"Roses are red, violets are blue;
GHB is so great, an' szumphzzzzzzzzzzzz......"

Personally, I think it's some of my best work, don't you?

Do you have a heartwarming GHB poem to share? Email it to us HERE!

ECSTASY - TINA'S 'POLAR OPPOSITE'
As you can see, I'm not just a killjoy anti-drugs campaigner, foaming at the mouth like a ham radio operator talking about a new range of light emitting diodes. Nosiree, au contraire! I love drugs! As well as my all time favourite GHB (fuck I love G...I'm getting a hard-on just thinking about it), Ecstasy's role in combatting the influence of EVIL TINA is being underestimated by health educators who might actually know what they talking about.

MDMA is crystal methamphetamine's polar opposite; for example, on Ecstasy you just want to love everybody. On crystal, you want to be loved BY everybody, possibly for 72-hours straight. See the difference?

I can even find doctors who are prepared to say that Ecstasy can have beneficial properties. However, there are even more doctors who would swear that the crystal 'epidemic' is little more than a distraction from more serious drug issues but that's because they are all smug, Tina'd up bastards who I am going to choose to ignore.